Only in INDO!

I keep thinking about funny/strange things that have happened while traveling in Indonesia… I wanted to write about some of the things that Rachel and I talk about all the time and laugh our asses off!

There was this guy who ran the homestay we were at in Gili Air, he called himself “Melon” with like a Spanish accent. This guy was in LOVE with Rachel, I swear he hated me. He was the one who put mushrooms in our drinks. This guy would pop up everywhere we went, its a small island but seriously he would show up everywhere. He lied about everything, I noticed a lot of the locals lie. They claim that they are pro surfers or own some big resort or some other far fetched story.

Mira… my driver in Kuta Lombok. He was like 8 inches shorter than me. I don’t know why but everytime I think of him I start laughing hysterically. Poor guy, his friends were making fun of him saying, “Mira has a girls name!” He spoke almost no English and he drove me on his motorbike for about an hour and half that day so he taught me some words in Indonesian. Then we realized he worked security at our hotel so everytime we saw him we would yell “Hi Mira!” and his buddies at work were probably like, “why the fuck do these girls like Mira so much?” Now we will say “Think of Mira!” when we are taking pictures because we instantly smile.

The toilets… most places have a western style toilet but usually just an ass sprayer and no toilet paper. Bringing toilet paper with you in your purse is a must. Its so strange though, some of the really nice places only have squatters and the shitty places will have nice toilets. The squatters crack me up. They def take some getting used too. Places like the ferrys or buses only have squatters and they probably only have one or two for like 200 people to use for 6 hours. After about 2 hours you don’t want to go near the squatters. I have definitely learned to use them early then cut your drinking down so you can hold it long enough…

Showers. Our first room had a regular shower with a bathtub and hot water. Pretty normal. Then we get to Padang Padang and there’s just a showerhead with cold water right next to the toilet. We were laughing so hard showering in the open bathroom. But now that is just the standard. You never have a real shower, its always just a showerhead next to the toilet. Most places are cold water so having hot water is a total luxury. In the Gilis the showers were salt water. The place we are staying in Bali has a pretty shitty shower, we were here a month ago and I remember looking at the bathrooms thinking I could never handle showering here but now its totally normal and I don’t even find it weird anymore. I’m going to think its so strange getting home and having a regular shower!

Only in Indo, Only in OOOSA. On one of our first days here we were talking to this Argentinian guy who had been traveling in Indonesia for a few months. He was telling us all about these places and things that happened and he kept saying, “Fucking Indo man” or “Only in Indo” and we totally picked up these phrases and say them all the time now. Then he kept talking about this place “Ooosa” we thought it was a city or something but it wasn’t really making sense what he was saying so we asked where ooosa was and he looked confused like, “ooosa? You know, where you are from? U-S-A?” OMG we laughed so hard… Ooosa is USA.

Kitty! “Hello Kittyyyyy” this old man in Lombok who sells cigarettes at the bars. I sprained my ankle and he was really concerned about it so he started massaging my ankle in the middle of the bar. It felt really good and I think it helped so the next day he showed up at the Hey Hey Homestay to give me a massage again. He gave the best massage ever! But I woke up the next morning and my entire calf was SO bruised. I seriously thought I had a disease or something! I was totally spotted with bruises.

Fabio. My friend Nick is the best guy ever. On his first night in Bali he was making a fire on the beach and the wood was damp so he was having a really hard time getting it to start. He was working on it for like 45 minutes and he got so sweaty he was fanning himself off and I took the best picture of him. His hair was blowing in the wind and he just reminded me of Fabio so much so Rachel and I started calling him that and it totally stuck. Fabio is so wonderful, the day after I sprained my ankle he went to the pharmacy for me and got me meds and a bandage. I had to leave that night to go to Lombok and he carried me all the way up the 162 steps of Bingin. Those steps are gnarly! He was so nice for doing that I seriously owe him big time.

“The horse and cart are coming for you!” One night we did mushrooms on the beach around sunset in Bingin. My friend Will is so funny and this family was walking down the beach and will is like,”should I just be really weird and start yelling at these people saying something like, ‘the horse and cart are coming for you! Watch out its gonna get you!'” Rachel and I laughed so freaking hard at the things he would say. We were out in Kuta together one night and Will woke us up in the morning still drunk from the night before. We had breakfast and Will was just standing outside in his boxers talking about the horse and cart with all the people looking at him like he was crazy. It was such a funny day!

Pasta. Is lame. Enough said.

Bahasa. I actually got fairly good at speaking Bahasa Indonesia’s language. By the end of my time in Indo I could talk to the locals and tell them funny things about Keri or someone I was with and they would just laugh and Keri would be like, “What are you telling them?!” Of course I knew the bad words and very important phrases like, 2 large Bintang please, which is Dua basur bintang tolong. Terima kasih is thank you, tolong please and also help if you yell it like TOLONG! Nama saya marina is my name is marina. Saya chinta camu is I love you. Chantik is beautiful, tedak is no, pepe/cuntol/susu juanita is all bad words, and my favorite phrase is mimpy manis-sweet dreams. It was my favorite thing to say to people, in the morning I would tell people that and they would just look at me like I was crazy.

Later, tomorrow. The people in Indonesia are so laid back about everything. It can easily take and hour and a half to get scrambled eggs on the beach. I realized that when you ask for something you most likely will get a response like “later” or “tomorrow”. Rachel was sick and Melon told her he had medicine for her so she asked if he would get it and his response was always “later” which is pretty typical. My place in Bingin I had to ask for new sheets about 8 time and each time Mama would tell me “later”. Now we always say “later, tomorrow” when we talk about something that needs to be done. I’ll be saying to Keri, “oh I need to get online and pay bills but I’ll do it later, tomorrow”`

Lombok Unique! My favorite travel agency… In total I think I spent nearly 24 hours waiting in this place. It’s located right in the middle of shithole Mataram, Lombok. Rachel and I had to wait there quite a few times and we ended up making friends with everyone who worked there. They actually bought us breakfast and lunch one day and let us use their computers all day long while we waited. One of the guys Ragil… loved Rachel and brought her to the village to meet his entire family and he asked her to marry him! I have a few of them on facebook and they write me messages all the time like, “marina I miss you!” It’s really funny actually. When I went back to Lombok the second time I booked my ticket through them and went back to their office (where I had sworn I would never spend another minute of my life) and it was actually pretty funny to see them again.

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